Do Me a Favor and Lose My Pin...

This past weekend I was introduced to a new form of connecting with homos in Lebanon - the BlackBerry Messenger (hereinafter abbreviated as BBM). For those of you who are new to the world of BBM, its basically a chatting application that comes with the BlackBerry phone and it allows one to chat with other BlackBerry subscribers. What I had not known was that one can create a group, invite people to that group, and start having a group chat. So far it sounds all innocent and nothing too worthy of making a big fuss over, right? Well, that's where you are wrong! Of course, in the homo community, nothing truly is ever innocent and everything is worthy of making a fuss about. I was invited to join three different groups and feeling a little adventurous, I decided to partake in this new "meeting phenomena". After being in the groups for less than an hour, I came to the sudden realization that BBM had become the new Manjam; i.e. my new hell.
As much as I wanted to stop reading the chats that were being displayed, I couldn't find the inner strength and will to do so, and that's because the chats were hilarious - well, to me anyway. Almost all the chats started in the following fashion:

SexyEyes: Hey! I'm sexy bottom, 22 years old, looking for a good top 2night!
Big_Bulge: Nice! Me big & hard 4 u now SexyEyes!

Um... Of course those screen-names were made-up, but they were very similar to those two and the sex-banter was just as bad. Now, although I was new to the world of "Cellphone Dating" (a part of me wants to call it 'Cellphone Mating' but it doesn't sound too catchy), even I knew that whatever was written on the group chat list could be read by other members in the group and it amazed me that people had no decency to take their "sex shop talk" elsewhere or take it privately. Try as I might, I was intrigued to find out whom would be hooking up with whom and I was secretly hoping that SexyEyes hooked up with Top_Tonight instead of Big_Bulge because I thought they were a much better match... But that's just my opinion.
Interestingly enough, one guy sent me a BBM friend request, and me, still being hyped up on the sex talk about bulges, positions, and fetishes, decided to accept him. To my surprise, BB dude was unlike the rest of the sex-brained freaks behind their BlackBerries.

BBDude: Plz don't be like one of those sex-deprived teenagers!
Gary (Ugh... Ok!... My real screen name is SkanySlut): LOL. Sadly I'm not. But I am enjoying the drama that's going on that list.

The drama I'm referring to was that one of the guys found out that his boyfriend was actually cheating on him with guy from the BBM group. I'm telling y'all, it was the funnest Friday night I've spent at home. And yes, I do spend my Friday nights at home sometimes... Well, where else am I going to get all this from?
Although I did spend the majority of Friday evening, BBMing with BBDude, I never thought of it as anything serious - it was nothing more than casual fun for me. By 10 p.m. he sent me a BB asking for us to meet for hookah (arguileh for the rest of you) at a local restaurant. I thought it was bizarre that he would want to meet me after chatting on-and-off for the past two hours. I came up with a bogus excuse for why I couldn't meet him and I thought it would be enough for him to drop the subject. That's when the bizarre just kept on coming... He then started sending me pictures of himself in his underwear, taking those weird poses on his bed, which I assume he only thought as sexy and provocative - Um... its funny how sexy, just like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he looked mostly constipated in his photos - trying to suck in his belly to give the impression of being slender. Umum... It wasn't working gay-sista!

BBDude: I want u... I want to kiss ur tummy!!

Oo-kay...I have this thing; when I have nothing better to say or when something awkward comes up during a chat, I just answer with lots of unnecessary smiley faces... Not the best answer, but it's better than nothing I suppose.
The downsize of BBMs is that you can't pull the "Oh no way! I didn't get any of your messages" bullshit, because once the text its sent it says D as in delivered and once read it notifies you with an R. So there is no bullshitting with BBM.
Once BBDude started talking about the ways he'll make love to me once he sees me; I feigned going to bed and decided to take a break from BB for the night.
The following morning, I was woken up with a text from BBDude asking me to get ready to go to the beach with him, saying that he was on his way to pick me up and he wanted my address. I could already see the headline of tomorrow's newspaper in my head: Sexy, gorgeous, and totally fabulous Gary Lian found murdered at the Riviera. Mr. Lian was beautifully dresses in a sexy bathing suit that revealed his toned and chiseled body... Okay, again my imagination goes a bit too far at times. Anyway, I played it coy and told him that I had some errands to run but that I was with him in spirit.
Now, I know you guys are saying: Why don't you just delete him already and spare us this long blogpost? But at that time, I thought that he was probably socially retarded and didn't know how to communicate well because English wasn't his first language.
Throughout Saturday, I received more and more pictures of him - most of which were really cringe worthy; some people should not be allowed to wear Speedos, let alone be allowed to BUY them. As the sun set on Saturday and dusk made its appearance, BBDude showed me what happens when one's Speedos are too tight and one has been under the sun for too long: your brain fries! He sent me a text along the following lines:

BBDude: What kind of a boyfriend r u? U don't text & ask abt me! U dont care abt me! U only want my body & the sex! I luv u wit all my heart & u only use me! U r like all the other gays in Leb. I want 2 break-up wit u!

I was willing to overlook the bad grammar and tons of spelling mistakes this one time, because I was too flabbergasted by the context of his BB. After one evening of sporadically responding to his chats, he had assumed we were dating and that we were boyfriends! Hello?!? I didn't even know his cell number; I hadn't even heard his voice and already he had created this relationship in his head. As far as sex was concerned, I wouldn't even allow my dead carcass to be anywhere near that thing's body.
Feeling as though the time had come to bid BBDude farewell, I asked him to lose my PIN and never to disturb me again. For some reason, I felt nostalgic for the days when you could tell a guy to lose your number; now it's "Just delete my BB Pin of yours!"
With the advent of technology, it just becomes easier to communicate with others; it also becomes easier to meet freaks that you would normally not be seen talking to. In the good old days you could detect your freaks by sight, which made them that much easier to avoid; now, you just have no idea who the hell you really are talking to until they start sending you grossly inappropriate pictures of their genitals that no one should be punished enough to have to see.
Having had enough of BB Gay groups galore, I took a determined sigh and left those three groups I was a part of. Just because everyone else has a BB and is desperate to get laid, doesn't necessarily mean that I have to jump on the Gays Love BB wagon.
Although... I do wonder: who did SexyEyes end up sleeping with? Ah well... I guess some questions, like life's many mysteries, will never be solved.

He's Just Into Your Hole...

What's great about having a blog is the mere fact that its a forum in which I can communicate with others. Since starting the G Life, I've received a lot of messages via Facebook and other social networking sites were I have the link to my blog, asking me questions pertaining to their dating experiences. Although my blog is geared more towards homos (what's up, my peeps?), I find it interesting when straight women ask me questions as well - although most of their inquiries are whether or not their boyfriends' behaviors are "gay", which makes me wonder how well do these women actually know their boyfriends! Yet, I still find it amusing at how much relationships play a central role in our daily lives.
Duh! Humans are social animals at the end of the day... In any case, I've decided that because of my vast dating experience (most of which is bad... really bad, like Greek tragedy bad) I've come up with signs to help my fellow gays detect when their "partners" or potential boyfriends or whatever you call them are just into them for their holes. And yes, when I mean "He's just into your hole," I'm referring to the following: He's just in it for the sex. Here, I have listed the signs that help tell you when it's probably a good time to pack up and leave him in the dust.
He's Just Into your Hole when He's Always Busy:
Busy. I love that word, because it packs such a powerful punch. "What are you doing tonight?" "Um... I'm busy." With just one word, you're off the hook. To be honest, I just use the word when I'm seriously not in the mood to see anyone or when I'm avoiding someone in particular. "Busy" is just another way of saying "Fuck off". I learned the true meaning of the word "Busy" when I was going out with a guy back in September 2008. For some reason, he was never "busy" when he wanted to hook-up; however, the second the deed was done he got busy all of a sudden. He gets an "emergency" phone call and needs me out of there ASAP. A week would pass by and he would always be "Busy". Busy doing what? He would mumble something and say bye. The most shocking thing though was when he canceled on me because he was busy, but I ended up seeing him with his friends at ABC. Ergo, he wasn't busy enough to meet his friends; but he was too busy to spend some time with me. I understand that sometimes guys can really be just busy, they might have work or something else that is time consuming; however, I can't understand the excuse of "I was too busy to message you or call you." Puh-leeze! That's the lamest reason for not calling or keeping in touch with someone. "You were on Facebook the whole day, but you couldn't spare 1 minute to send me a text?" I sometimes text people when taking a crap, I even call people by mistake when I put my phone in my back-pocket; so no one is THAT busy that they can't get a hold of you. So if a guy is trying to get a hold of you just when his parents' house is free or when he's "in the mood" that's a clear sign that he's just into your hole. If he can clear his "busy" schedule for sex, then I'm sure he can clear his schedule for a cup of coffee and some conversation that doesn't involve moaning and grunting. Whenever you get the "I'm busy excuse", pause for a moment and think: Was he ever not busy when it didn't involve sex?
You're better than that, so the next time he calls to invite you over for some "fun"; just do what I do and tell him: "I'm just really busy, busy, busy..."
He's Just Into your Hole when He's Only Sexting:
Sexting is a term that means sending sex texts in the form of a "sex invite". I'm sure a whole lot of you are familiar with the whole sexting phenomena. It's usually a one-liner that goes like: "What are you doing tonight?"
You can tell a guy is just into your hole when all he does is just sext you... constantly. When a guy sends you a message at 11:30 asking if you want to 'hang out' at his place, you can bet he's not thinking about sitting on the couch and talking - he wants you to hang on to something, alright and I'm sure you all catch my drift. Therefore the subtext of that text is clearly just sex. If you're fine with that sort of arrangement then by all means go for it; however, if you're thinking this guy wants something more than just sex, I'll tell you to think again. I'm sure he probably mass-sext to everyone he knows and if you can't make it, I'm sure he already has another guy waiting in the wings just to be there. When a guy sexts you and you go running over to him, that just shows him that you're willing to throw everything for just sex. Basically you're his booty-call - and a desperate one too, if I may add. I know sex is a need and I'll be a hypocrite if I went all preachy on you guys and condoned your behavior. No, I think sometimes sex is fine; however, you have to understand that casual sex is just that - it's just sex, nothing more and nothing less. You deserve a guy who would want to text you even if there is no sex involved, not just one who texts you when his parents are out of the house or when he is doing a drive by around in his car and he suddenly got a hard-on. You're worth more than just that one liner... and sometimes they don't even bother using full words! I once got this: "U want 2 cum 2night?"
Nice... I wasn't even worth the time it would take him to fully write those beautiful words of poetry. I didn't bother replying.
He's Just Into your Hole when He's Not Introducing You to His Friends:
You can tell when a guy is really interested in you when he wants you to meet his friends, because that shows you that he sees your relationship as going somewhere beyond the bedroom. Guys talk to their friends as much as girls do, and gay guys tell their friends EVERYTHING. When my friends talk to me about their relationships and guys, it sometimes feels as though I'm part of their relationship because they tell me everything. When a guy takes you to meet the friends, it's a sign that means he wants to see if you'll mesh well with his crowd. Also, after the introduction - which I admit is a bit intimidating because gay guys are pretty territorial and cliquey when in comes to their circle of friends - the guy can get his friends' opinion of whether you are worth going out with. So when a guy you've been with for a while and he's never even suggested you meeting his friends or being seen with him in public, then that's your cue to know that this "thing" is not going anywhere. Again, if you're into the "whole secretive thing" and share the whole "let's be discreet" thing then there wouldn't be a need for you to dwell; however, it would be nice to know that there's something more than just lying on-top of each other and not doing anything else other than intercourse. You merit to have a guy who is so crazy in love with you that he would want everyone to know about you. He would basically want to shout it on every rooftop. When my best friend met his boyfriend, he did everything so that I get a chance to meet him. When it's just you, him, and the bed (or the car) and nothing else... then he's just into your hole. You'll know when a guy is really into you (and I don't mean that in a sexual context), when a guy really likes you, he'll want you to be part of every aspect of his life; including friends.
I know the term "He's just into your hole" sounds crude and a bit raunchy, at the end of the day, it's the truth because he's not into you - instead he's just into having sex with you. Sex is a need; however, you warrant more than just being seen as a sex-object or a as a blow-up doll. I know finding a relationship is hard, especially in the gay community, but there are guys out there that do want more than just a one-night stand and those are the guys you should look for. Next time you find yourself in a situation where you're with a guy and he's only seeing you when sex is involved, then I think its time you admit to the fact that maybe he's just into your hole and not you.

The Bad Boy

I met Druggie last year and it was instant attraction. What can I do? I guess it’s true what they say about bad boys, they do have a certain charm – a je ne sais pas quoi about them that makes thinking logically and rationally go out the window. I was in the dressing room trying on some super skinny jeans, when he pulls open the curtains and starts to undress in front of me. We shared the dressing room not speaking a word, just casually staring into each other’s eyes. And just as suddenly he barged into the small space that we occupied together, he left with a wink and a kiss on my cheek. Fate must have wanted us to meet again, because the following night, I bumped into him at Bardo just as I was passing through the glass doorway. Again, we didn’t exchange words; only stares and a wink here and there.

Drug Boy just oozed with sex appeal and he was a bad boy. The baddest, in fact. He knew he was sexy and he was pompous about it. He had sparkling green eyes that contrasted deeply with his dark tawny skin; but the thing that drew me in like a magnet, was his smile. He had a snaggle toothed grin and I thought his one imperfection was in fact his sexiest asset.

A week had passed and I hadn’t seen my latest infatuation; however, through the magic that is Manjam (I'm being sarcastic, of course), he found me and sent me a rather provocative message which happened to include his number, attached with it was an equally provocative picture.

Our first date was actually tame, which was sort of a disappointment since I had other expectations about what we might actually end up doing. Instead, we had a nice dinner; followed by a ride in his car around downtown Beirut and the Corniche. He didn’t even kiss me or make a move, which seemed sort of noble from him since I was acting like a slut and basically throwing myself at him.

Okay, I’ll be the first to admit that back in the days I wasn’t as classy as I am today… I was sort of a slut, meaning I would flaunt myself at anything that even glanced at me, and I think that was factored in by my low self-esteem. I wanted to be desired by everyone, which I think is a common “illness” for the gays. But with time… and with more dating disasters under my belt… I learned to have more self-restraint and what I hope is a little more self-respect.

Although I was putting myself out there for him, I’m sort of a cock-tease as well. For those of you who are new to the cock-tease concept, let me elaborate a little: Basically, a cock-tease is one that flirts and makes it seem as though they are willing to go all the way; however, when it actually comes time to take to the next level, they back out. Cock-teasing (the verb) was one of my specialties and that’s because I always enjoyed the chase more; I like leading guys on and then leaving them hanging. But I learned that gay guys lose interest fast… Even if you do end up having sex, they lose interest. I believe gay guys must have some kind of sex ADHD… Anyway, after our third date and me acting like a complete hoochie-mama, he dropped his “gentleman act” and started to act a little rowdy when we were alone together, and I was no longer in control of the situation and that made me more than a bit nervous. When I was always finding excuses to postpone our “alone time” as he called it, he started to act more aggressive towards me. On one of our dates he invited a friend of his, who when I went to meet them, was already trashed and bumping into people when she moved. He apologized, coming up with a bogus explanation about why he had to invite her out with us on our date; but, I decided to play it cool and act as though I was not affected by the drunken-third wheel.

The second surprise of the evening was when I found myself in front of Acid when we had agreed to go elsewhere. Now for those who haven’t been to Acid before… It’s a nightclub that is still stuck in 1999, including the green laser and bad music that goes well with the trashy wall décor; although I doubt the people who frequent Acid take the time to notice such things. As we were making our way to Acid from the parking lot, he turns and hands me a small Ziploc bag.

“Take this and shove it in your underwear,” he urged, grabbing the back of my jeans and shoving his hand right down to my butt-crack. “They don’t check feminine looking guys,” he added. I was shocked by the fact that he (1) was using me as a drug mule and (2) had the audacity to insult me a la passant.

Once we got into Acid, with no one having to check my butt for illicit drugs, he “dumps” his drunken friend on me, and removed the Ziploc bag out of the “security” of my ass. I felt like those Mexican immigrants who shove drugs and other stuff up their holes in order to bypass US immigration officers. I watched him stride into the Acidic crowd, looking left and right, and what I assumed was him looking for his client. I struggled to keep taps on him because I literally had another body on-top of mine, and it wasn’t anyone I wanted to get cozy or intimate with. The drunken bitch was slobbering all over my top and was leaving a puddle of drool on the nape of my neck… It was not a pretty sight. I walked around Acid feeling like a Siamese twin looking for him because I wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as possible. This date and this relationship were over… Like WAY over.

And there he was. In the corner of the grotesque club, making out with a guy whom I know was definitely not me. I’m not exactly sure what came over me, but I’m assuming it was a combination of anger and embarrassment – but I think anger fueled my actions more, because the next thing I remember doing was me hurling his friend on-top of him and his client/make-out partner. His friend fell face first on the floor and for those who have been to Acid before, they know the condition of the floor – it’s covered with glass. I stormed towards him and demanded that he never speak, text, or message me again. He stared at me with a glazed look in his eyes and I knew he was probably too drugged out to remember who I was or what I was telling him.

It was on that night that I ended my bad boy addiction.

Bad boys are like candy; you know you shouldn’t have them because they are bad for your health (your mental health included) and yet, we’ll do anything to have a taste of them. This applies to both candy AND boys! What I had thought was brooding sex appeal was in fact, a drugged-induced state of consciousness. Not only was he a drug dealer but he was a drug addict as well. I assumed him not talking much was part of his charm, you know the type… the strong silent ones that speak more with their eyes and smiles than with words, but it was probably because he was too high to actually form any coherent sentences. And that happy look on his face? I’m guessing it too was the effects of the drugs, because I doubt anyone would be THAT happy to spend that much time with me – I can be a bit loud, whiney, bitchy, and shrill sometimes; but I think that could be part of my charm! Or not… which might explain why I’m still single, but let’s not go there now…

After being used as a drug mule, having to drag an intoxicated carcass with me, and watch the guy whom I should have asked what he does for a living BEFORE going on a second date with him make out with a client of his; I realized that pinning after bad boys just leaves you feeling dirty, ashamed, disgusted with yourself, and wondering how the hell you got sucked into it all… The same feelings you have after you do something illicit. Bad boy rehab was probably the best decision I took.

Hi, I’m Gary and I’m no longer addicted to bad boys.

Unless… they’re really, really, really cute!

Note: I hate being preachy and all… but if you feel as though you’re being used to smuggle drugs and other illicit substances, please be wise to know that that’s your cue to leave. And no matter how attractive your guy seems, it’s not worth having to take drugs to impress him.