Delete. Erase. Block. Remove.
How easy it sounds removing people from your electronic and communication portals these days; it got me wondering: Would it be that easy removing people from your real-life? It would be nice if, with a click of a button, one could erase another from his life; never having to contact them ever or see them again.
Maybe, as with the improvements in technology, we have evolved into specimen that can easily "remove" others from our lives. Could we have developed an ability to just 'forget' about those we once considered friends and loved ones? Perhaps we have created a 'mental switch' in our minds that automatically shuts and deletes people from our consciousness and memories.
"You have to remove him off your Facebook! Then you delete his number from your phone! Do you understand? You just have to!" My friend told me on the phone as I recently relayed to him my recent run-in with the usual boy-drama.
"Why do I have to delete him?" I asked.
"You just have to! It's the only way you can move on with your life," he replied with an exaggerated sigh; I think he felt as though he was talking to a five-year old.
As I sat in bed deleting every message he ever sent me (even though I later on found out I could have 'mass deleted' everything), I couldn't help but feel childish for doing that. Did by deleting a "Hey, want to have coffee?" message going to change the way things ended between us? Was it going to bring him back to me? No, it wasn't. But I decided to listen to my friends and continue with the task at hand.
"Whatever you do, don't read the messages! It'll just make you want to call him or text him again!" I could hear my friend's voice in the background - but I did read the messages. Every single one of them. I reread the 122 messages he had sent me in the past two months. I smiled at some of them because they were simply so lame, like this one: "Here I am trying to shit, but all that came out was a fart!"
Poetic, I know...
I would be lying if I said I didn't want to message him and be like, "Hey, this really was a misunderstanding. Let's just start over." But for some reason, something held me back. It was that 'mental block button' I think we acquired throughout the 90's.
After I had deleted his messages, I took a long deep sigh because I knew I had to do the hardest part next: I had to remove his contact info... and that included everything: cell number, e-mail address, and even birthday (yeah, I'm one of those people who takes their 'Contact Info' really seriously...)
Delete contact from Phone-book and SIM Card?
Yes.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Done.
It's like he never existed. In less than one hour, I had managed to remove him from my life - figuratively speaking, of course. For some reason, I didn't feel 'exhilarated' or 'liberated' as my friend described it would be. In fact, I felt immature and pathetic. I had spent an hour rummaging through my phone erasing text messages - how sad was that?
As I turned off the lamp on my bedside table, I stared at my cellphone. With its sleek black cover and shiny buttons, I wished my heart was programmed the same way my BlackBerry was. I doubted my BlackBerry felt hollow or empty after deleting everything about him like my heart did.
Right before I felt sleep making my eyes heavy, a thought crossed my mind and I couldn't help but smile. What if I didn't really delete him but sent him to my 'Recycling Bin' instead? I could always restore him, right? As memories of our time spent together came back to me as I drifted off to sleep, I realized that no matter how much I tried to rationalize things, the truth was evident: No matter how hard I might try to delete him from my life, he'll always hold a special place in my heart...
How easy it sounds removing people from your electronic and communication portals these days; it got me wondering: Would it be that easy removing people from your real-life? It would be nice if, with a click of a button, one could erase another from his life; never having to contact them ever or see them again.
Maybe, as with the improvements in technology, we have evolved into specimen that can easily "remove" others from our lives. Could we have developed an ability to just 'forget' about those we once considered friends and loved ones? Perhaps we have created a 'mental switch' in our minds that automatically shuts and deletes people from our consciousness and memories.
"You have to remove him off your Facebook! Then you delete his number from your phone! Do you understand? You just have to!" My friend told me on the phone as I recently relayed to him my recent run-in with the usual boy-drama.
"Why do I have to delete him?" I asked.
"You just have to! It's the only way you can move on with your life," he replied with an exaggerated sigh; I think he felt as though he was talking to a five-year old.
As I sat in bed deleting every message he ever sent me (even though I later on found out I could have 'mass deleted' everything), I couldn't help but feel childish for doing that. Did by deleting a "Hey, want to have coffee?" message going to change the way things ended between us? Was it going to bring him back to me? No, it wasn't. But I decided to listen to my friends and continue with the task at hand.
"Whatever you do, don't read the messages! It'll just make you want to call him or text him again!" I could hear my friend's voice in the background - but I did read the messages. Every single one of them. I reread the 122 messages he had sent me in the past two months. I smiled at some of them because they were simply so lame, like this one: "Here I am trying to shit, but all that came out was a fart!"
Poetic, I know...
I would be lying if I said I didn't want to message him and be like, "Hey, this really was a misunderstanding. Let's just start over." But for some reason, something held me back. It was that 'mental block button' I think we acquired throughout the 90's.
After I had deleted his messages, I took a long deep sigh because I knew I had to do the hardest part next: I had to remove his contact info... and that included everything: cell number, e-mail address, and even birthday (yeah, I'm one of those people who takes their 'Contact Info' really seriously...)
Delete contact from Phone-book and SIM Card?
Yes.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Done.
It's like he never existed. In less than one hour, I had managed to remove him from my life - figuratively speaking, of course. For some reason, I didn't feel 'exhilarated' or 'liberated' as my friend described it would be. In fact, I felt immature and pathetic. I had spent an hour rummaging through my phone erasing text messages - how sad was that?
As I turned off the lamp on my bedside table, I stared at my cellphone. With its sleek black cover and shiny buttons, I wished my heart was programmed the same way my BlackBerry was. I doubted my BlackBerry felt hollow or empty after deleting everything about him like my heart did.
Right before I felt sleep making my eyes heavy, a thought crossed my mind and I couldn't help but smile. What if I didn't really delete him but sent him to my 'Recycling Bin' instead? I could always restore him, right? As memories of our time spent together came back to me as I drifted off to sleep, I realized that no matter how much I tried to rationalize things, the truth was evident: No matter how hard I might try to delete him from my life, he'll always hold a special place in my heart...
1 comment:
honney, this was amazing, u cant imagin how many hours i spent deleting messages, and m sure i might do so in the future. its a way to deal with shit i guess.
i adored what u wrote. muah
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