Do Me a Favor and Lose My Pin...

This past weekend I was introduced to a new form of connecting with homos in Lebanon - the BlackBerry Messenger (hereinafter abbreviated as BBM). For those of you who are new to the world of BBM, its basically a chatting application that comes with the BlackBerry phone and it allows one to chat with other BlackBerry subscribers. What I had not known was that one can create a group, invite people to that group, and start having a group chat. So far it sounds all innocent and nothing too worthy of making a big fuss over, right? Well, that's where you are wrong! Of course, in the homo community, nothing truly is ever innocent and everything is worthy of making a fuss about. I was invited to join three different groups and feeling a little adventurous, I decided to partake in this new "meeting phenomena". After being in the groups for less than an hour, I came to the sudden realization that BBM had become the new Manjam; i.e. my new hell.
As much as I wanted to stop reading the chats that were being displayed, I couldn't find the inner strength and will to do so, and that's because the chats were hilarious - well, to me anyway. Almost all the chats started in the following fashion:

SexyEyes: Hey! I'm sexy bottom, 22 years old, looking for a good top 2night!
Big_Bulge: Nice! Me big & hard 4 u now SexyEyes!

Um... Of course those screen-names were made-up, but they were very similar to those two and the sex-banter was just as bad. Now, although I was new to the world of "Cellphone Dating" (a part of me wants to call it 'Cellphone Mating' but it doesn't sound too catchy), even I knew that whatever was written on the group chat list could be read by other members in the group and it amazed me that people had no decency to take their "sex shop talk" elsewhere or take it privately. Try as I might, I was intrigued to find out whom would be hooking up with whom and I was secretly hoping that SexyEyes hooked up with Top_Tonight instead of Big_Bulge because I thought they were a much better match... But that's just my opinion.
Interestingly enough, one guy sent me a BBM friend request, and me, still being hyped up on the sex talk about bulges, positions, and fetishes, decided to accept him. To my surprise, BB dude was unlike the rest of the sex-brained freaks behind their BlackBerries.

BBDude: Plz don't be like one of those sex-deprived teenagers!
Gary (Ugh... Ok!... My real screen name is SkanySlut): LOL. Sadly I'm not. But I am enjoying the drama that's going on that list.

The drama I'm referring to was that one of the guys found out that his boyfriend was actually cheating on him with guy from the BBM group. I'm telling y'all, it was the funnest Friday night I've spent at home. And yes, I do spend my Friday nights at home sometimes... Well, where else am I going to get all this from?
Although I did spend the majority of Friday evening, BBMing with BBDude, I never thought of it as anything serious - it was nothing more than casual fun for me. By 10 p.m. he sent me a BB asking for us to meet for hookah (arguileh for the rest of you) at a local restaurant. I thought it was bizarre that he would want to meet me after chatting on-and-off for the past two hours. I came up with a bogus excuse for why I couldn't meet him and I thought it would be enough for him to drop the subject. That's when the bizarre just kept on coming... He then started sending me pictures of himself in his underwear, taking those weird poses on his bed, which I assume he only thought as sexy and provocative - Um... its funny how sexy, just like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he looked mostly constipated in his photos - trying to suck in his belly to give the impression of being slender. Umum... It wasn't working gay-sista!

BBDude: I want u... I want to kiss ur tummy!!

Oo-kay...I have this thing; when I have nothing better to say or when something awkward comes up during a chat, I just answer with lots of unnecessary smiley faces... Not the best answer, but it's better than nothing I suppose.
The downsize of BBMs is that you can't pull the "Oh no way! I didn't get any of your messages" bullshit, because once the text its sent it says D as in delivered and once read it notifies you with an R. So there is no bullshitting with BBM.
Once BBDude started talking about the ways he'll make love to me once he sees me; I feigned going to bed and decided to take a break from BB for the night.
The following morning, I was woken up with a text from BBDude asking me to get ready to go to the beach with him, saying that he was on his way to pick me up and he wanted my address. I could already see the headline of tomorrow's newspaper in my head: Sexy, gorgeous, and totally fabulous Gary Lian found murdered at the Riviera. Mr. Lian was beautifully dresses in a sexy bathing suit that revealed his toned and chiseled body... Okay, again my imagination goes a bit too far at times. Anyway, I played it coy and told him that I had some errands to run but that I was with him in spirit.
Now, I know you guys are saying: Why don't you just delete him already and spare us this long blogpost? But at that time, I thought that he was probably socially retarded and didn't know how to communicate well because English wasn't his first language.
Throughout Saturday, I received more and more pictures of him - most of which were really cringe worthy; some people should not be allowed to wear Speedos, let alone be allowed to BUY them. As the sun set on Saturday and dusk made its appearance, BBDude showed me what happens when one's Speedos are too tight and one has been under the sun for too long: your brain fries! He sent me a text along the following lines:

BBDude: What kind of a boyfriend r u? U don't text & ask abt me! U dont care abt me! U only want my body & the sex! I luv u wit all my heart & u only use me! U r like all the other gays in Leb. I want 2 break-up wit u!

I was willing to overlook the bad grammar and tons of spelling mistakes this one time, because I was too flabbergasted by the context of his BB. After one evening of sporadically responding to his chats, he had assumed we were dating and that we were boyfriends! Hello?!? I didn't even know his cell number; I hadn't even heard his voice and already he had created this relationship in his head. As far as sex was concerned, I wouldn't even allow my dead carcass to be anywhere near that thing's body.
Feeling as though the time had come to bid BBDude farewell, I asked him to lose my PIN and never to disturb me again. For some reason, I felt nostalgic for the days when you could tell a guy to lose your number; now it's "Just delete my BB Pin of yours!"
With the advent of technology, it just becomes easier to communicate with others; it also becomes easier to meet freaks that you would normally not be seen talking to. In the good old days you could detect your freaks by sight, which made them that much easier to avoid; now, you just have no idea who the hell you really are talking to until they start sending you grossly inappropriate pictures of their genitals that no one should be punished enough to have to see.
Having had enough of BB Gay groups galore, I took a determined sigh and left those three groups I was a part of. Just because everyone else has a BB and is desperate to get laid, doesn't necessarily mean that I have to jump on the Gays Love BB wagon.
Although... I do wonder: who did SexyEyes end up sleeping with? Ah well... I guess some questions, like life's many mysteries, will never be solved.